Get Smart Get Strong

I had to go to the copy shop last night after work. After I dropped off my stuff, I needed to wait half an hour before I could pick it up. So I went next door to the Ross Store. I love Ross. Lots of fun stuff to look at and all really cheap. I browsed through non-stick frying pans since ours are always overused and we can always use a new one. Took a look at the dog toys and stuff but nothing struck me as a Sophie toy. Finally I found myself browsing through the clothes. I gazed at the size 8’s that I ALMOST fit into early last year, passed on to the size 10’s I was wearing back then and then past the 12’s that I was wearing in May and then the 14’s that I could wear in September and that are now so tight that I’m pretty much not breathing all day.

Then I reached out and took a pair of size 16’s off the rack. Nice pants. Good color, loved the cut and the price was only $9.99. Who could beat it??

I found a nice blouse to go with it (large – not medium anymore) and went into the dressing room.

I tried on the blouse and hated it.

I started to take off my boots so I could try on the pants and then just sat down on that little bench that isn’t really designed for sitting and you always think you’re going to slide off or break the bench. You know the one.

So I’m sitting there, one boot partially unzipped and looking at myself in the mirror and I just couldn’t do it.

I promised.

I promised myself.

I promised my son and I promised my husband.

I promised my doctors.

I promised all my family and friends and complete strangers.

I promised that I would NEVER buy bigger clothes.

Absolutely.

Never.

I’d rather be naked, I said.

But there I was, pants in hand. I was so close, but I just couldn’t do it.

So I put them back.

I left the store and picked up my print job.

I went home and I pulled out a dress to wear to work.

Today I started my day with a protein drink. I ate fruit and drank water. At lunch I went to the gym. I warmed up on the elliptical for 20 minutes, then worked out with weights and machines and ab work for 25 minutes and then I tried a very slow jog around the building, outside in the sunshine. I only made it ¾ of the way around the building, but it’s a good starting point and a good goal for next time. In a few minutes I’m going to weight watchers to weigh in. I might have gained, but good or bad, I’m still doing it.

I think that’s much smarter than buying bigger pants, don’t you?

Don’t you just want to scream sometimes? I just did. Felt pretty good.  Might have a sore throat all day, but worth it. The house is empty except for me and the dogs. The boys drove off early to go skiing with a homeschool group today at Kirkwood – so excited for them.  I’ve been conferencing and walking on my treadmill. Got a little time before my next meeting so I thought I’d try and do a quick blog post. Haven’t done one since I hurt my ankle.

Have to confess I used that as an excuse to sit on my bum for the rest of December and most of January. Not pretty. Pants are becoming a problem since I swore a blood oath that I wouldn’t buy any new, bigger ones. I gave away all my older, bigger ones – 13 sizes worth.

I joined Weight Watchers at work program – have been waiting eagerly for it since I got there in May. I really miss my old group, and I was going (sporadically) to the group that meets in town, but not really feeling it. Not really following the program. Just showing up and weighing.

So we started two weeks ago and I actually lost .2 lbs this week. I thought that was better than a gain (though not by much) but I’m still back over 200 pounds. I could let that make me sad and depressed and keep stress eating (did I ever stop?) but I’m trying to track my points and get in an hour of exercise now that I have no ankle pain as an excuse. (Not that it was a good excuse anyway.)

So where was I? Oh, right. Stress.

I am losing my house. Finally got to the point where we can’t pay for a house here and a house in Atlanta so we have to let the one that we aren’t living in go. Working with the banks and the real estate agents has got to be the most stressful thing in the world. They appear to make it as difficult as possible to screen out people who aren’t desperate.

Example: I called to talk to them about options in September when my husband learned he was going to lose his job. I can do basic math – we would be out of money by December. They wouldn’t consider an application until we were behind on our payments. So I had to wait until January 10th to submit my application.

Example: I downloaded the forms and instructions, filled out all the forms and gathered all the supporting doucments needed and scanned and submitted 36 pages by email. Two days later someone sent me a blank app in return asking me to follow the instructions and send back the completed app with supporting docs to start the process. What? I sent again and two days later – same message. I called and was told that the email process is a little hinky. I should fax. Okay, I faxed it. Didn’t hear anything for a week, so I called to make sure they had it. They didn’t. I Faxed and emailed AGAIN. Waited two days and called back. It wasn’t until early this week that I heard they had it but they considered it incomplete because I hadn’t submitted the offer details. I don’t have an offer. That’s the PROBLEM! So I sent in another letter by fax and email and called. Now I have to wait until February 20th, but I’m probably going to keep calling every few days in case they are waiting for something that they haven’t told me about. Or told me about in a letter sent to Atlanta. Where I don’t live anymore. THAT’S THE PROBLEM!

So that’s my stress. I’m trying to eat apples and nuts and other healthy stuff when I stress eat. The sugar salt cycle is easy to fall back into. But then my pants won’t fit. AT. ALL. (Instead of just being horribly, unflatteringly, uncomfortably TIGHT.)

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

So I’m on the treadmill. I’m doing weight watchers.

I stopped going to the therapist. I think she’s a little nuts. I mean, when she cleared my aura  the first day, okay, that’s her thing. She had some good ideas and I felt better in a few visits. But last time she was getting mad at me because I wouldn’t consider divorcing my husband. WTF? of course I consider it. Everyone does – daily sometimes. But I usually am able to remind myself that there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo much more good and great and wonderful than the few annoying things and things we don’t agree on. If we both thought the same, what would be the point of living with someone else? It would be like living with a mirror. Good grief. So if anyone knows of a good therapist in Carson City, Nevada – let me know!

Gotta run – shower and change and jump on my next conference call.

Be good, be happy and remember we will all survive this and be able to bore our grandchildren with stories of the great depression of the 2010′s.

LIFE is good.

Life is GREAT.

Life is FABULOUS!

Whew. I feel better. How about you?

I’ve written before about a bad fall I took in Singapore in 2009 – right before I made the final decision to go ahead with gastric bypass. I still remember how that felt. Not just the pain, but the humiliation and embarrassment that my weight added to the event.

Last Sunday I fell down again. But what a difference! I was snowboarding and twisted my ankle. Instead of needing four or five people to help me up and carry me, one tiny (but  tough) ski patrol woman skied me down the mountain. Instead of worrying about how I looked or how heavy I was, I was able to just focus on the injury and getting down from 10k feet back to our car. I was able to hobble with a ski pole and get into the car and walk into the hospital on my own steam. And instead of describing the fall due to just being overweight and out of shape, I get to proudly tap my cast with my cane and say, oh so nonchalantly “snowboarding accident”.

So a few pictures and a word of thanks to Trudy for getting me down safely off the mountain. And for my husband and son for getting me to the hospital and taking such good care of me this past week. We had a lovely holiday, even with the injury and I give you guys all the credit!

Cold outside and sunny – should probably go snowboarding or hiking but I’m enjoying the lazy Saturday morning. Made a huge vegetable omelet for breakfast with mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, broccoli, Canadian bacon and cheddar cheese.  The boys enjoyed them as much as I did – love getting more vegetables in our diets.

For lunch I made a big batch of soup with MORE vegetables: leeks, carrots, potatoes, cabbage, garlic, barley. It came out rich and thick and creamy. Served it for lunch with homemade rye bread.

Now we’re definitely going to need to go snowboarding or hiking to work that off!

Barley and Winter Vegetable Stew

Serves: 8

Prep Time: 25 mintues

Cook Time: 55 minutes

Ingredients

• 4 slices bacon
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil
• 2 cloves of garlic minced
• 4 or 5 medium sized leeks sliced and rinsed thoroughly (use only the white and light green portion, cut off the dark green)
• 1/2 of a large head of cabbage (not red) chopped
• 1 1/2 cups peeled carrots chopped into 1/4 inch pieces
• 2 large baking potatoes scrubbed and diced
• 1 cup barley, rinsed
• 8 cups chicken broth
• 1 teaspoon dry thyme
• 2 bay leaves
• salt and white pepper to taste

Preparation and Cooking

1. Cook the bacon in a large pot over medium-low heat.  When crisp, remove and chop into small pieces.
2. Add the butter and olive oil, then stir in the leeks, garlic and cabbage. Add the bacon back in.
3. Cover and cook until the leaks and cabbage are tender, 15 to 20 minutes.
4. Stir in the broth, potatoes, carrots, barley, thyme, bay leaves, and 1 teaspoon of salt. Bring to a simmer and cook until the potatoes and carrots are tender and the barley is plump – about 45 minutes.
5. Discard bay leaves and season with pepper to taste.

Idea for next time: stir in a can of white beans for more protein.

Reading Dr Stapleton’s book this morning and found this link on her website?

MAKE CONSISTENTLY HEALTHY FOOD CHOICES

protein first plus a vegetable or fruit

MAINTAIN PORTION CONTROL

forever more in every eating situation

EXERCISE ON A REGULAR BASIS

that means daily

DRINK PLENTY OF WATER THROUGHOUT THE DAY

but not 30 minutes before or after meals

EAT BREAKFAST

protein, protein, protein… doesn’t have to be traditional breakfast food

PLAN YOUR MEALS AND FOLLOW YOUR PLAN

you don’t have to want to… you just have to!

KEEP A FOOD DIARY

it keeps you accountable and is the best way to maintain weight loss

KEEP AN EXERCISE DIARY

it will remind you of all the great hard work you are doing

GET ENOUGH SLEEP

who knew there was a connection between sleep and weight? there is!

UTILIZE A HEALTHY SUPPORT SYSTEM

ObesityHelp.com of course!

PARTICIPATE IN INDIVIDUAL AND/OR GROUP THERAPY

okay… not a daily thing, but a very good idea on a weekly basis

Darling Fage, I love you so.

Let me count the ways:

- A dollop with splenda instead of whipped cream

- Mixed into tuna or salmon with seasonings to make sandwiches instead of mayo

- Replacing sour cream in every recipe and to top potatoes or Mexican food

- Added to shakes and smoothies for rich, creamy taste and extra protein without fat

- Rich and creamy desserts – just add fruit and splenda

- To make amazing rye bread (see previous post)

Ah. Love.

There was a free screening being offered at work this week. I realized that I was going to skip it because I was afraid I’d done a lot of damage in the last few months and sabotaged too much of my success. Well! We can’t have that. Must face facts. So I went to the screening and I’m so glad that I faced that fear. In reality, I’m still in really great shape. Blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar and all that stuff is just great. Off the charts good, in fact.  Yes, I’ve gained some weight. Yes, my BMI is back over 30 and yes my waist is more than the recommended 35″ for women. I’m working on that.

Even the health coach was impressed. When I started my song and dance about my weight and what I was doing to lose she pointed out that my numbers (which is their focus for health) were better than a lot of the thin people and it was obvious to her that I exercised a lot and ate healthy food.

Alright then.

No damage, except to my waistline. I can fix that! With time and attention and a lot of exercise. Yoga yesterday. Lots of walking every day on the treadmill. Strength training tomorrow. Yup. I can do it.

I have kept a pretty good record of my weight for the last 4 years. My gains and my losses. At Weight Watchers on Monday, our leader, Irene, suggested that everyone chart their weight loss. It’s a good way to bring a sense of perspective to the worry about a few pounds. Also a good way to see the trend that you are currently in – either losing or gaining.

I had done this for my results after weight loss surgery, but haven’t ever done it from birth. I don’t have specific numbers, but I took a stab at some of the ones I remember: birth, when I hit 100 pounds at 12 years old; high school graduation weight of 150; college graduation 220, meeting my husband at 200, highest during pregnancy with my son at 321 and then loss after pregnancy and gradual regain back up to 300′s before weight loss surgery process started.

So here it is, just the facts, ma’am:

Look at those huge ups and downs. Makes the current stress over 20 seem kind of silly. And if you look very, very carefully, you’ll see the slight downturn as of today because I’m down another 5 pounds. This  treadmill desk stuff ROCKS!

Have a great day. Find something that rocks your world today. Or just shakes it up a bit. It makes a difference.

What’s black and blue and sore all over? A 49 year old who goes snowboarding when there isn’t much snow!

Aching all over and I may have a slight case of whiplash from that last fall. My son fell a lot too. Kept getting snow/ice down his pants – we really have to get him a pair of bib snow pants. Even my husband fell – but that was because we were walking back to the bus to the parking lot and rushing to catch the bus before it left and he forgot to put his tread thingies on his boots. The result was that we all came home – starving – and soaked in hot tubs and took ibuprofen and

To make my son laugh when he got snow in his pants, I told him that he’d come down with a terrible case of ice ass. It always makes him giggle when I swear. Later, when it melted, we made up a new one called water butt.

I just re-read that and it doesn’t sound very fun. It was actually great. The sky was blue, there was no wind, it wasn’t unbearably cold and there was enough snow most places that the boarding was good. I tried a new run – which is big for me – I could stay on the same run all day, all week, all year if you let me. Which meant a new lift, which is always a challenge. I think the thing with me and the chair lift is that I got dragged once when we were in Austria or Switzerland or somewhere and people were shouting things at me in every language but English. They were trying to help and tell me to drop flat but I that was one phrase I hadn’t learned!

Oh but wait – I was focused on the good part. See how easy it is for me (especially this time of year) to forget the good and be completely focused on the bad?  It takes a real effort to remember lying on the snow at the top of the California run next to my son and looking at the lake and feeling the sun on our faces.

The picture at the top isn’t mine, I borrowed with pride from someone’s site, but it comes close. That’s what I want to remember from yesterday as I walk and type on my new treadmill desk.

This weekend I had a lot of plans: cleaning, organizing, paperwork, errands. Not much of that actually got done, but I did walk for about 10 hours and I snowboarded for about 2 hours and I spent time with my son and husband and our great dogs. And I lost 2 pounds. For those of you who have been keeping up, I have been trending UP on my weight since I lost my job in March. Even getting the new job didn’t help, though one of the big points for moving out here was a more active, healthy lifestyle. And it is. But I’ve not stuck to a lot of the things that I know work for me.

I think I’ve been pretending that I’m normal. That I can eat 2500 calories a day of whatever I want and not gain weight. Well, it ain’t so, bunkie, so deal with it. I have to eat very low carb to just not gain. If I want to lose, I have to avoid bread and potatoes and rice. I have to exercise a lot to not gain. I have to exercise really hard to lose fat and gain muscle. I have to take all my vitamins and supplements and drink a couple of  gallons of water. I have to get enough sleep. I have to have my stress level at a realistic level.

But wait, wasn’t I focused on the positive? So here’s a list of the things I’m doing right and I’m going to keep building on those today instead of focusing on the things I’m doing wrong:

- I lost and have kept off over 124 pounds. That means I’ve kept off over 82% of my lost weight.
- I am still exercising – in fact, I’m walking on my treadmill and using my new treadmill desk right now!
- I’m still AWARE. So many times in the past I would ignore or lie to myself about what was going on. There’s some of that going on now, but I catch myself and keep doing things to keep reality in focus like putting my weekly weight up on the fridge door so I can see the trend
- I’m taking most of my vitamins – I’d stopped for a bit and that was HORRIBLY dangerous and literally making me crazy, so that’s a good thing that I’ve started again
- I’m eating healthier ON AVERAGE than I used to when I was MO
- My pouch still works for me – I had a dumping syndrome yesterday because I ate a box of junior mints. (Let me tell you – mint dumping is one for the books and will not be happening again in my life time.)
- I’m still writing and blogging and I’ve come back to this site which is a life saver and will pull me back on track better than anything else
- I’ve started seeing a therapist
- I’m doing light therapy to address my depression
- I’m trying to reach out to friends (that’s really hard when I’m depressed)
- I’m trying to be loving and patient with myself – keep the self talk more positive but firm and realistic

And to show how mentally healthy I am, I’m not going to list the 100+ things I think I should be doing or doing better! Ha!