Onderland – March 14, 2010

March 14, 2010 Victory! The road to Onderland passes thru the land of fear and the valley of insanity – but I made it!
This morning when I weighed I was below 200 pounds for the first time in 16 years.

Struggling I’ve spent the last week alternating between longing for this huge, significant goal and agonizing over it. Doing things I shouldn’t to consciously and subconsciously sabotage myself. I snacked on candy and junk food and drank soda. And don’t think for a minute that I waited 30 minutes before and after my meals to drink or that I chewed each bite or stopped when I got full. That fell by the wayside for several days this week.

Successes But not everything I’ve learned was lost in this temporary insanity. As my wonderful weight loss therapist, Rebecca Moore, reminded me, I was also doing a lot of things right – most of those automatically because they have become habits: I exercised every day this week for over an hour. I ate healthy, nutritious food for every meal. I took my vitamins and supplements. I kept track of what I was eating and what I was doing for exercise. I paid attention to my life and cared for myself and my family.

And guess what? I lost weight. I lost 2 pounds. I KNOW that yesterday was the last day that I will EVER put “two” in front of my weight. All the drama and angst this week has been about dropping below 200. You all know – it’s not just another weight. It’s a wall I’ve hidden behind to keep myself “safe”. Safe from love. Safe from intimacy. Safe from notice. Safe from life.

Well today is a new day. It may be a frightening day but it will be a day spent in Onderland. Yesterday I got up and did my own version of an indoor sprint triathlon at my fitness center: 1/3 of a mile swim, then jump on the bike for 18 miles, followed by three miles around the track running and walking. I finished in 2 hours and 20 minutes, including about 10+ minutes of “transitions”.  Then I went out to celebrate my 47th birthday with my sisters and my new life in Onderland wearing SIZE 14 JEANS and a MEDIUM shirt!

Happy Birthday to me.
DAMN! This feels good.

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