Where’s the Parade?

I’ve missed you guys. My computer has been on the fritz and I’ve been super tired from boot camp and blah blah blah excuse excuse excuse. If I can’t be honest with myself, I can at least be honest with the world:  the truth is that I’ve just been down in the mouth, as we say in the South. Grumpy and mean and bitchy about my lack of progress. Which is ridiculous, because I am making progress. Hell, just being on track and focused for over a year is tremendous progress for me.

And I know, this journey I’m on isn’t supposed to be about the number on a scale. It is supposed to be about changing my life and living strong and healthy. I know I’m a size smaller. I know I’m stronger. I’m faster. I have more endurance.

But – in the last two months I’ve gained 5 pounds on vacation, lost those, then gained two pounds at boot camp, lost THOSE and I am STILL  at the same weight I was three months ago.  ARGH!
If someone else was saying this, I would be merciless: “Forget about the number on the scale. The scale should not rule your life. Your focus needs to be on how you feel. How you look. What you can do. Forget about the scale.”

Easy for me to say. But –

I can’t have my big Hurrah I made it to goal party and parade IF I NEVER MAKE IT TO GOAL! What if I never do? Should I just go ahead and have the party and parade? Like those women who want to be married, but don’t have a guy, so they plan the wedding anyway? Or wait, did I dream that?

Anyway today I’m going  to yoga class to stretch out my spine and work on my meditation and dream about my parade.

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