Listen to your pain

I slept late this morning – never even set my alarm. Woke with the sun and the first birdsong at 7:36! So now I have to skeedaddle so I can get to Weight Watchers and then get my swim in before work. I had an amazing workout yesterday with the boys. We all went to the DBC Fitness center in Dunwoody and did the couch to 5k program on the indoor track. That was perfect for us! We kind of all did our thing and walked together sometimes, ran together sometimes, but mostly just circled around each other. We could all stay in sight and all go at our own pace. Then we went to one of the exercise rooms and lifted weights, did situps and squats together. We all really, really enjoyed it. Loved seeing my husband jogging. Love, love, LOVED seeing my handsome son running around the track and counting his laps. He was DETERMINED to finish a mile. I think that’s pretty awesome and he can already see that he’s able to do more than he could last week. A great lesson to learn when you are only eight.

Makes me think – what would my life have been like if I’d learned to stick to exercise after I left junior high? I used to be on the track team when I was 13. If I’d stuck to that, then the PCOS probably would never have gotten so bad. I definitely wouldn’t have ballooned up over 300 pounds (over and over again) and I think my battle with depression would have a lot more successful skirmishes.  I would still have needed to deal with all my past baggage and issues, but I wouldn’t have been simultaneously dealing with low self-esteem and a poor body image, which I dealt with by medicating myself with food.

Right now I keep straying off the path but the resulting feelings about myself are so painful, after all these months of being proud of myself. That pain is a great alarm system and I realize that it is one of the things that is helping me make course corrections right now. If I can keep dealing with that pain and responding to it in a way other than eating myself into a coma, then I’m going to be alright.

I can’t  continue to suppress that pain with food, I have to let myself feel it – even if just for a few minutes before I distract myself from it again. Every day, I try to feel it a little longer until I can really hear it and understand what is causing the pain. Once I figure that out, then I can start to deal with it in a way that doesn’t involve a bag of Doritos and a pint of ice-cream!

Well, I’ve got a scale to face at Weight Watchers and a pool to conquer. Then I’m going to treat myself to a half hour of steam and jacuzzi before I head to work. I have the best job in the world, even if I was working until 7 pm every night this week!

Have a wonderful day and try to listen to any pain you might be feeling.

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