One of the things I have said about a million times since I really started making progress on my health was that I couldn’t do it alone. I needed my weight watcher’s group and leader, I needed my weight loss therapist, I needed my nutritionist, my doctor, my trainer and my friends and support groups.
So why am I trying to do this alone now? I haven’t been to weight watchers in about a month – haven’t even logged in online. I haven’t seen my therapist in about as long and I “forgot” about meeting with my nutritionist last week. I dropped out of one gym where I’d been working with a trainer and haven’t been back to Knuckle up in ages. I’m still going onto the support boards almost every day, but I’m not really posting there as much as I used to do and I guess I don’t feel like I’m getting very much of a response from blogging and posting as I have in the past. Or maybe it is that time of year when it is hard for me to HEAR it, or FEEL it. Just because I’m not hiding under the covers, doesn’t mean the seasonal affective disorder isn’t playing merry hell with my psyche.
Though I do understand about the response. I think everyone I know is kind of tired of hearing about it and has stopped reading. (Not everyone, I KNOW who really reads and sends messages and you guys are my lifeline right now.) But there’s no getting away from the fact that maintenance and gaining isn’t as sexy as losing weight. You don’t get that sense of reward and accomplishment, especially when instead of losing or maintaining, you gain a few pounds. How sad. How ordinary. I guess she’s not going to be the one in a million who loses weight, gets to goal and keeps it off. Sigh.
Signs I am not maintaining: I wore my goal jeans on Saturday. The ones that fit (though were very tight) in July and had gotten lose and baggy and now are starting to get snug in the stomach. The waist is not snug, but it isn’t baggy anymore either. The hips are a little baggy; (must face facts: I’ve got severe noassatall syndrome.)
This weekend I wandered around the goodwill looking at bigger clothes. I didn’t let myself buy any, but there was this sense of panic that I might need them and I’ve given them all away, because I pledged to be naked if I regained. This morning I weighed in at 176 pounds – I’m up 3.5 pounds and seeing a lot more upward fluctuations than down. I’m not doing well with the stress in my life and I don’t have that much stress. I’m worried about money and work and taxes, but I guess that just makes me an American. I’m worried about regain and being naked because my clothes are getting too tight, but that just makes me an American woman. Ha! A joke!
Obviously, despite my beautiful new therapy light, I’m feeling very low today. After 20 minutes of light I am starting to force myself to see the positive side as well: I don’t have to do this by myself. I can drop in on a weight watcher’s meeting today if I wanted (I’m a monthly member) and I’m rescheduled to see my nutritionist this morning. I’ve got an appointment with my weight loss counselor on Thursday and I’m sure if I picked up the phone, I could go in and see my surgeon. Probably not a bad idea. They probably hear these problems a lot, right?
Well, that’s my whine for the day. Would anyone like some cheese with that?