Why is it so much work to focus on the positive?

What’s black and blue and sore all over? A 49 year old who goes snowboarding when there isn’t much snow!

Aching all over and I may have a slight case of whiplash from that last fall. My son fell a lot too. Kept getting snow/ice down his pants – we really have to get him a pair of bib snow pants. Even my husband fell – but that was because we were walking back to the bus to the parking lot and rushing to catch the bus before it left and he forgot to put his tread thingies on his boots. The result was that we all came home – starving – and soaked in hot tubs and took ibuprofen and

To make my son laugh when he got snow in his pants, I told him that he’d come down with a terrible case of ice ass. It always makes him giggle when I swear. Later, when it melted, we made up a new one called water butt.

I just re-read that and it doesn’t sound very fun. It was actually great. The sky was blue, there was no wind, it wasn’t unbearably cold and there was enough snow most places that the boarding was good. I tried a new run – which is big for me – I could stay on the same run all day, all week, all year if you let me. Which meant a new lift, which is always a challenge. I think the thing with me and the chair lift is that I got dragged once when we were in Austria or Switzerland or somewhere and people were shouting things at me in every language but English. They were trying to help and tell me to drop flat but I that was one phrase I hadn’t learned!

Oh but wait – I was focused on the good part. See how easy it is for me (especially this time of year) to forget the good and be completely focused on the bad?  It takes a real effort to remember lying on the snow at the top of the California run next to my son and looking at the lake and feeling the sun on our faces.

The picture at the top isn’t mine, I borrowed with pride from someone’s site, but it comes close. That’s what I want to remember from yesterday as I walk and type on my new treadmill desk.

This weekend I had a lot of plans: cleaning, organizing, paperwork, errands. Not much of that actually got done, but I did walk for about 10 hours and I snowboarded for about 2 hours and I spent time with my son and husband and our great dogs. And I lost 2 pounds. For those of you who have been keeping up, I have been trending UP on my weight since I lost my job in March. Even getting the new job didn’t help, though one of the big points for moving out here was a more active, healthy lifestyle. And it is. But I’ve not stuck to a lot of the things that I know work for me.

I think I’ve been pretending that I’m normal. That I can eat 2500 calories a day of whatever I want and not gain weight. Well, it ain’t so, bunkie, so deal with it. I have to eat very low carb to just not gain. If I want to lose, I have to avoid bread and potatoes and rice. I have to exercise a lot to not gain. I have to exercise really hard to lose fat and gain muscle. I have to take all my vitamins and supplements and drink a couple of  gallons of water. I have to get enough sleep. I have to have my stress level at a realistic level.

But wait, wasn’t I focused on the positive? So here’s a list of the things I’m doing right and I’m going to keep building on those today instead of focusing on the things I’m doing wrong:

– I lost and have kept off over 124 pounds. That means I’ve kept off over 82% of my lost weight.
– I am still exercising – in fact, I’m walking on my treadmill and using my new treadmill desk right now!
– I’m still AWARE. So many times in the past I would ignore or lie to myself about what was going on. There’s some of that going on now, but I catch myself and keep doing things to keep reality in focus like putting my weekly weight up on the fridge door so I can see the trend
– I’m taking most of my vitamins – I’d stopped for a bit and that was HORRIBLY dangerous and literally making me crazy, so that’s a good thing that I’ve started again
– I’m eating healthier ON AVERAGE than I used to when I was MO
– My pouch still works for me – I had a dumping syndrome yesterday because I ate a box of junior mints. (Let me tell you – mint dumping is one for the books and will not be happening again in my life time.)
– I’m still writing and blogging and I’ve come back to this site which is a life saver and will pull me back on track better than anything else
– I’ve started seeing a therapist
– I’m doing light therapy to address my depression
– I’m trying to reach out to friends (that’s really hard when I’m depressed)
– I’m trying to be loving and patient with myself – keep the self talk more positive but firm and realistic

And to show how mentally healthy I am, I’m not going to list the 100+ things I think I should be doing or doing better! Ha!

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