I had to go to the copy shop last night after work. After I dropped off my stuff, I needed to wait half an hour before I could pick it up. So I went next door to the Ross Store. I love Ross. Lots of fun stuff to look at and all really cheap. I browsed through non-stick frying pans since ours are always overused and we can always use a new one. Took a look at the dog toys and stuff but nothing struck me as a Sophie toy. Finally I found myself browsing through the clothes. I gazed at the size 8’s that I ALMOST fit into early last year, passed on to the size 10’s I was wearing back then and then past the 12’s that I was wearing in May and then the 14’s that I could wear in September and that are now so tight that I’m pretty much not breathing all day.
Then I reached out and took a pair of size 16’s off the rack. Nice pants. Good color, loved the cut and the price was only $9.99. Who could beat it??
I found a nice blouse to go with it (large – not medium anymore) and went into the dressing room.
I tried on the blouse and hated it.
I started to take off my boots so I could try on the pants and then just sat down on that little bench that isn’t really designed for sitting and you always think you’re going to slide off or break the bench. You know the one.
So I’m sitting there, one boot partially unzipped and looking at myself in the mirror and I just couldn’t do it.
I promised myself.
I promised my son and I promised my husband.
I promised my doctors.
I promised all my family and friends and complete strangers.
I promised that I would NEVER buy bigger clothes.
I’d rather be naked, I said.
But there I was, pants in hand. I was so close, but I just couldn’t do it.
So I put them back.
I left the store and picked up my print job.
I went home and I pulled out a dress to wear to work.
Today I started my day with a protein drink. I ate fruit and drank water. At lunch I went to the gym. I warmed up on the elliptical for 20 minutes, then worked out with weights and machines and ab work for 25 minutes and then I tried a very slow jog around the building, outside in the sunshine. I only made it ¾ of the way around the building, but it’s a good starting point and a good goal for next time. In a few minutes I’m going to weight watchers to weigh in. I might have gained, but good or bad, I’m still doing it.
I think that’s much smarter than buying bigger pants, don’t you?