Taking Stock

I’ve been in Nevada just over a year now. In some ways, things have never been better in my life. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. My relationship with my husband and son is strong and good. We are making friends and finding our place in the community. I have a challenging and financially rewarding job with amazing benefits and opportunities for growth that stretch ahead of me for potentially decades. We have gotten almost all the way out of the debt that we ran up when I lost my job last year. We have found a house we love and made an offer and feel positive that we’ll get it. My husband and son are healthier and more active as a family than they have ever been. So what’s my problem?
Brutal Honesty
I have gotten further and further away from my goals and my plan for living. I don’t exercise. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat well. I don’t take my vitamins. Result? I have had to buy bigger and bigger clothes. I’m up to 216 pounds (from my lowest of 171). I can do that math. That’s 45 pounds. I lost 150 pounds and now I’ve gained back 1/3 of that.
Excuses, Excuses
There’s a long list of reasons why I got off track. I lost my job; I moved 2500 miles; I was in danger of losing my house; we lost all our savings and ran up thousands of dollars in debt. But when that first happened, I stuck to the plan, stuck to the exercise, kept eating well. For the first six months, I was still on track. It was only in October last year that I started letting all that go. When I hurt my ankle in December, I used that as an excuse to stop doing anything.
But the ankle healed. All the problems above have worked out fine. The outlook is really positive for us. We may even be able to get a great house and move (for the last time??) before the end of the year. I’m getting to travel again, which I love.

So what’s my problem?
There’s a part of my brain that says I just need a break. But I’ve really been “on a break” since October 2010. And that break has gotten bigger and bigger.

Tough Talk
I’ve been pretty lenient with myself. Poor me, I’ve had a hard time; have some bread. Poor me, you are working such long hours; have some chocolate. Poor me, you have no money; skip your workout.
How in the world are those things connected?? What does it matter if I’m going through a tough period or have no money or working long hours? Why does the comfort have to be something that hurts me?
I am dreading going in and getting my blood sugar tested. I am pretty sure it is back out of the normal range. I am dreading my eye exam because my vision has been cloudy lately and I suspect the blood sugar is behind that. Also, some neuropathy in my left foot. How many times do I read about diabetics who lose a toe? Then another? Then a foot? Then the leg? Then they die.
So what does poor me need to do?
Start walking again – TODAY! Then lifting weights. Then swimming. Then biking. Then running. Then some classes to push myself. I know how to do all that. Been there, done that, got the t –shirt.
Start eating right with the very next meal. Focus on vegetables and lean protein and some healthy, whole grain, low GI carbs. Do not drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after my meal. Stop eating BEFORE I’m full – when I’m satisfied. Measure my food. Track my food.
Stop working 14 hours a day. No one expects me to. I’m doing it to myself. Get some real sleep.
Go to support groups like Weight Watchers and WLS Group. I skipped the last month (part of that was traveling, the other part was guilt/embarrassment about where I am today and what I’m not doing.
Find a therapist. I might have to go over to Tahoe. Or into Reno. But find a therapist.

And start to MELT away this fat I’ve gained.
I feel better already.

One thought on “Taking Stock

  1. I am with you, move, eat well and realize that food really isn’t comfort. DO NOT go back to your last therapist. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you and miss you like crazy. Tami

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