A lot of weight loss coaches talk about the what the fuck moment. You’re going along, doing great, and then you look up and realize it’s been 18 months since you were even in sight of the track, much less on track.

May 18, 2018 I wrote It’s just a number and noted that my current weight was 189 and my next goal was 169.

What the fuck?
This week I got on the scale for the first time since September LAST year and I’m back up to the comfortable, old familiar 270’s. This is the weight at which I get to sick of myself, that I’m finally motivated to do something.

My sister, Marie, happened to recommend Corrine Crabtree’s Phit-n-Phat podcasts, which are hilarious. She’s southern and she’s got a potty mouth and she’s all about starting where you are and making 1% changes. So my first 24 hour plan included ice cream twice in one day. Which was an improvement.

So that’s what the fuck happened. My Dad died. I had a ton of unresolved issues and feelings and adding grief on top of that, plus dealing with the family funeral was apparently too much for my snowflake self. I started what I’m going to call grief eating in the airport in Atlanta and never stopped for a year.

I’ve been trying to get back on track. I do one thing or another. Walking. Stopping the flour and sugar addiction. But it is slow going.

I finally got the nerve to FIND my scale this week and there it was. 273. I gained 84 pounds in 19 months. I am sorry to say, that’s not even a record for me. I once gained 120 pounds in 12 months.

I’ve done way too much therapy to NOT admit there’s something that gets triggered in my head. A fear, an anxiety about getting to a healthy body size.

So back on the horse. Or aboard the wagon. Or crawling along the track.

But I refuse to give up forever. I’m almost 60. I figure I have another few dozen attempts left, so why not?

2 thoughts on “WTF?

  1. Girl, I hear you! For the last year I have paid $50 a month to belong to weight watchers and in that time I have lost nothing. I have been a yo-yo and lost up to about 32 and I think now I’m down to a loss of 24. I know you’re saying it’s still a loss but I just know that all the things that I’m doing wrong but just keep doing them. So let’s start this journey together. Of course I say that to you as I’m boarding a plane in two hours for Florida with Joe to visit friends. But I’m going to try to pay attention to my friend Mary Lane. She is either a size 0 or a two. I’m not sure that I would say that she’s a healthy eater but I do know that she doesn’t Live to eat, she eats to live. I also know she drinks less than I do and I really have to start paying attention to that.As always I just admire you putting things out on the table the way you do. And I do understand about the emotional eating as well. I can tell you for a fact that I have not dealt with my mom‘s death and have not grieved. It seems like moments of grief come up is very inappropriate times when I’m in a public place and have to stop at back down. My friend MaryLynn and I are very close and maybe something along the way will get triggered and I’ll have a good cry while I’m in Florida. Let’s talk when I get back. Love you lots Karen❤️❤️

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. Oh, and I’m top of everything else I have become extremely indecisive. I feel like I can barely make a decision about anything and I have no idea what that’s about. I do know when I was so set in my ways I offended a lot of people so now it seems I’ve gone the opposite extreme. Lord help me

    Sent from my iPhone


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