Epiphany

I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Okay, a writer, but that’s just my passion, not what I do to earn money.  Last night I sketched out the job that I want. It was so clear. Today it is even more clear and I’m scribbling notes and making lists and doing research. I’m on fire!

I’m not going to post about it, I need to put some irons in the fire and send out some feelers. This is something that will take a bit of time to put together, do the networking and get in front of someone to pitch.

But the idea of spending my days working on this just lights me up. I really like my boss and my team, but it’s hard to be passionate about software development after all these years. It’s just something I do, that I’m good at and makes money, so my husband can stay home and my son can be homeschooled and we can all eat.

My friend pointed out that I used the word gaol instead of goal – and perhaps I was putting myself in gaol, British word for jail – and that is why I was feeling so down. Trapped in something that doesn’t set me on fire, because it’s a great job. Great boss, great team, great project, great location, great hours. Why would I change it?

But now, the idea of having something fantastic, fabulous and fascinating to work on is so exciting. I can’t wait to learn more and start working on this. I’m going to put together a plan (of course) and a presentation and then meet with my executive coach. She’s in Disney World this week, so I have a bit of time to mull it over and put it all together. Then we’ll figure out the game plan. How to make it happen.

When I can see what I want or need, I can make it happen. It is only when I’m wandering, lost in the dark, with no direction, that I start to fail. I am seeing the light today. It feels good.

What’s Next? Anything!

This quote seems appropriate: “The miracle isn’t that I finished – the miracle is that I had the courage to start.” John Bingham, author of Marathoning for Mortals.

I’m experiencing a serious paradigm shift. What once seemed an impossible dream is now a part of history: Karen Couch Brier participated in and completed a triathlon. I am an athlete. Heck, I’m a TRIATHLETE. It’s mind altering to think that I can broaden my expectations and stop excluding physical accomplishments. I mean, I’m smart and I work hard, so I’ve always expected that I could do things – as long s they were mental achievements. But now I am starting to explore the idea that I could do things that are physical. I can already do a lot of stuff I couldn’t do two years ago: ski, swim, run, bike, weight lift, boot camp, kickboxing – what else is out there?

Maybe I could finally overcome my fears about scuba diving and get certified. Boy would Fred love that! He’s always loved to dive, but stopped because I could never pass the course and always freaked out from fear. But if I’m now a strong swimmer, and I don’t have to have 70 pounds of weight to make me neutrally buoyant, maybe I could do that, too. I’d like to dive the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Green Island is breath taking from the pictures I’ve seen.

I used to love to ride motorcycles, but stopped when I got hurt in high school and never went back. Since then, I’ve felt that I was too fat to ride. Maybe I could sign up for a rider safety course. I would LOVE to ride a Harley or a classic Indian. Of course, I’ll have to get some boots, a leather jacket and some bad-ass sunglasses.

I have always wanted to learn to dance, but always thought I was too fat and graceless. I can take lessons. Someday I will tango or waltz or salsa. Serious Richard Gere fantasy going on here.

I loved running when I was in high school, now I’m going to start the couch to 5k program and learn to run again. Someday I’d like to do the NY City Marathon. Or one in Paris or London or Rome or Sydney. How cool would that be?

In 2 years I’ve changed my life because I changed my attitude. I can’t wait to see what the NEXT two years brings!

Goals are not just a list on a piece of paper

My Goals for 2010Yesterday was an amazing day. Got back the test results from my physical and everything was normal. All day I kept smiling and telling people (many who, frankly, couldn’t understand why I was sharing!). I wasted several minutes on Google searching for blood glucose charts so I could find my results and see the words “normal for non-diabetics” a few dozen times.

This morning I’m still floating on a cloud, grinning like a loon and humming my theme songs (Defying Gravity from Wicked, The Climb by Miley Cirus, Lose Yourself from Eminem, How do you like me now by Toby Keith and Feeling Good by Nina Simone).

It finally feels real. All this time, all the progress I’ve made, it wasn’t real to me. Not deep down. Deep down I was afraid that it was too late, that my blood sugar would never be normal again. And it would be all my fault. All those years of not exercising. Thousands of fast food meals. Gallons of ice cream. Buckets of soda. A mountain of french fries.

In a couple of hours I’m going to go and check in for my first triathlon. I don’t know if I’ll do another one yet, but I am going to enjoy every second of this one. I leave you to enjoy your Saturday with the words from my theme song:

Play sample: Miley Cyrus from The Climb:

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
“You’ll never reach it”

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It’s all about, it’s all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith