Just Do It – for the boy

Jacob as President

Jacob as President

Last night I did not want to exercise. I was tired, I didn’t do any real exercise except scuba class since my 5k on Thursday, class was canceled on Monday and frankly, I was deeply afraid of how much boot camp was going to hurt.  Fred had a user’s group meeting last night, so Jacob was supposed to go with me to the gym. They have a kids’ room there plus, he has his laptop and as he reminds me, games in his head, so he was fine.

But I so wanted to use that as an excuse not to go. But I kept thinking about his face and how proud of me he has been. He calls me his skinny mommy and tells me I’m beautiful.

I can’t stop now. Actually, I can’t EVER stop, because then I’ll lose all the ground I’ve gained. I’ll go back to not having any balance and falling down.

I’ll go back to not fitting in my clothes and then I’ll be naked because I am NOT buying any more fat clothes. If I gain weight, I have pledged to be naked until I lose it again. And I mean it. I just packed up all my size 16 and bigger size 14’s for the Goodwill and Dress for Success. I need to go down and put them into the car NOW so that I can drop them off and get them out of the house. Before they start to look appealing.

I find it strange that I’ve started to fantasize about gaining the weight back. Of slipping back into my old habits as if they were a set of comfortable clothes.

Just needed a wake up call and fortunately, my son provided one for me last night. Boot camp again tonight and tomorrow night. Scuba class on Friday.  Saturday is yoga. Sunday is an all day manual labor day at my sister’s new bar and Monday is a long bike ride, swim and picnic with the boys, then back to boot camp for the final week.

After bootcamp, I’m going to start swimming and running again. Also, I’ll be biking to work now that it is cooler and I don’t have bootcamp across town after work. With the scuba on Fridays and yoga on Saturdays and bike rides on Sundays, I just need to add some weight lifting in there a couple of times a week. There’s a good 6:30 am body sculpting class or kickboxing every morning of the week.

Ah. I feel better when I have a plan.

Goodwill Therapy

Happy Independence Day! I am feeling a lot more independent myself these days. Not so dependent on other people or medication or modern conveniences. Good example from yesterday: I had to go pick up my car before my first yoga class and the timing for getting a ride wasn’t great, so I said – don’t worry, I’ll just run over and get it after class. It is only a mile. I wouldn’t have said or done those things when I was morbidly obese. Hell, I don’t believe I ever THOUGHT them. But they are starting to come out.

It is actually harder than I thought to get the mind to keep up with the body. I posted earlier this week about being sad because I had dropped another size. I wasn’t SAD, exactly. Just sort of uncomfortable. I did a lot of mind work the last few days, working on the realization that I was eating more than I needed to keep myself from dropping any more weight. The subconscious is so strong. But using my power for good, instead of evil is has such a positive impact. And this week I’ve dropped almost 4 pounds – between the triathlon, kicking up my exercise and focusing on what I’m eating. That’s very exciting, because I had really convinced myself that I was past the point where I could lose more than a pound a week. I just had to redo all my numbers – BMR, THR, BMI, etc and come up with a new plan to increase my Melting Point. It is amazing to me that I can help my friends with this, but not see it when it is happening to me.

Yesterday after yoga class I had a “therapy” session at the Goodwill. I’ve posted before about how I keep up with the size changes and the financial demand of building 11 complete wardrobes. (Is that right? I had W28/26, 24 and some 22s – I bought w22, w20, w18, w16, w14, w12, R18, r16, r14, r12  and I’m now buying r10 and r8 (I guess I can stop saying R for regular – I”m regular!) So oh yeah – make that 14 wardrobe changes before I’m done.

At the Goodwill I started flipping through racks and pulling out things that looked good. Then I went to try them on. I haven’t really done that in the past, since I was often buying very far ahead. But too many of the things I’ve bought lately were too big, so I’ve decided to start trying them on. And good thing, because most of the ones I picked out were too big! I started over, looking at cute stuff I thought was too small and tried those on. Some were a bit snug – but they all FIT. So I kept a few fabulous pieces that fit, but went out one more time to fill my cart with things that I was SURE were way too small. Nope. All the size 10’s and 8’s I can get on – but are snug. So I know I’m going to shrink into them.

How wild is that? I had gotten to the point where the 28’s were too big and now I’m putting on size 8’s and thinking – another 20 pounds and they will fit. Or heck – they might be lose. I got a couple of great Tahari, Alfoni and Jones New York jackets (planning for fall/winter) and some beautiful blouses. Got one more dress to add to my collection (I swear – I THOUGHT I hated dresses, but boy am I loving them now!) and a gorgeous pair of pale blue silk Talbots pants and one Liz Claiborne skirt. I’ll go back every weekend and keep looking for more size 10’s and 8’s until I fill up my “wardrobe checklist” for those sizes.

When I got home treated myself to a bubble bath and soak for all my aching muscles. Have really kicked the exercise up again this week with the running, kickboxing and yoga. Tomorrow I’m going to go to the “Mo Explodes” class at the kickboxing gym. Mo Travis is Monique and she is beautiful but a little scary. I’m excited to try the class and see how I do. Gotta keep pushing myself, within reason! I certainly don’t want to derail this close to goal with an injury. I’m feeling very happy about how I started slowly and worked my way up over the last year. The two years before that, I was moving a bit more, but I was never pushing myself very hard. I was afraid that I would hurt myself and I was probably right! I was so heavy at 321 pounds that I’m amazed now that I could move. I’m going to have to strap on the backpack again with the 140 pounds in it now and see if I can still walk!

Everyone have a safe, happy and independent 4th!